Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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