please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
