he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
