I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if only i could text you this smell
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
