Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
