I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
