Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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