I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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