come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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