First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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