I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
