There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
