It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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