My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
