So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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