i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
