Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
