So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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