So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
