So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
