My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
