omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
