Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
