mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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