M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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