we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this boner is exhausting
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
