My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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