Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
