well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
