um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've blown a few things in my day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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