i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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