Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
