operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
