i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
