I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
