I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
