My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
