Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
