If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
