Im at strip club and am horny
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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