You can't motorboat a personality
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
