He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
