We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
