I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
