Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
