Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
