I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
