I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
