I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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