I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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